Am I a parrot?

'Originality' is something I lack in my life. Sometimes I feel like I am merely reciting or copying the ideas of other people when presenting a view. Most notably is during bible studies. Is this part of maturing? I don't think so. By reciting or copying, I have failed to truly connect to the point of a having a view. I guess this is where my solitude and drawing comes into the picture...

By drawing and reflecting during quiet times, helps me to still my mind. My mind is like a pool of water. If it is constantly disrupted with things thrown into it, ripples will send my mind into chaos and confusion, causing me to feel down and confused. For those who can't understand the metaphor: if I constantly put myself in situations where I have verbal contact with people, using my brain non-stop, I will eventually shut down. I will start treating this reality as though it is surreal.

That is why I like to have moments where I am alone. My favourite activity is to look at the sky. Staring at the deepness of space that is above me. It is therapeutic. Don't judge me! Haha

I know who I am...

Sleep lover

Do not love sleep, lest you will become impoverished; open your eyes, and you will be satisfied with food. Proverbs 20:13

Im a master to none...

The most frustrating thing about myself is that I procrastinate. I am so good at it ,to a degree, it should be considered a sin. For I am abusing the time that God has graciously provided. I question myself: What am I master ? I should be in more control of my mind and body.
I am such a filthy sinner. I should be in the streets, exiled from the comfort that I have. My emotions can sometimes get the better of me. That shouldn't be the case, but thats my reality. Due to the fact that I hate my course my a passion, I felt like I am without a noble passion. Architecture is supposed to be a noble pursuit, yet I'm clouded by fantasies regarding designing.
This industry is never an easy one. I am competing not with the asians but with other ethnicticity as well, the aussies are definitely crazy about architectute. It's not about making beautiful drawings and models. That's just the surface. Architecture is much deeper. It teaches me to see the world in a different light, to be objective. It's about the client, it's not about the client. It's about design, and it's about problem solving. It's about getting inspired, AND it's getting crushed by the sheer amount of work.
The path that I'm travelling is definitely not a stroll in the park, it's a battlefield. Therefore, I need to decide now, what should I master in the field of architecture? Architects are known to be skilled in many fields but that seems too far fetched to me. Instead, being objective is the key. Dear Lord, please grant me the ability of foresight, and a determined mind. I thank the Lord that He has graciously cared for me especially through His son, Jesus. For I was the one that deserved hell, but he took it upon himself instead. Help me, to take up my cross daily. May the Lord continually sustain me. Amen.

Peace of mind

So much on my mind now... I feel down

Infatuations vs Love

                 "'Infatuated' = possesed by an unreasoning passion or attraction.

'Love' = A person who is an object of deep or intense affection or attraction. "

definitions from The Free Dictionary.

Am I infatuated or in love? On many times, the distinction between these two words blurred as we get overwhelmed by our feelings. Like a deer in the headlights, I usually get caught in awkward situations whereby I just can't seem to say what I want to say. Worse, on countless occassions, I just can't seem to talk at all (the movies just love exploiting that) !

I have experienced a handful of crushes in the past, and let me tell you, they ain't pleasant. Having crushes can't be quite annoying and often distracting. I have read facebook statuses of friends where they just openly confessed that they love this person so much, and so convinced that "she is the one"! I usually feel pity for these guys. Despite the shortcomings of having a crush, there is a bright side. Crushes give me something to look forward to everyday. A purpose to be in certain place. A motivation to wake up and face the day!

Sadly, feelings like these can be short lived. We can get discouraged when the other party just doesn't care. A one sided love.

Here's my real problem, I keep switching crushes. After each dissapointment, a new crush just appear out of the blue! It's like I want to be in love for the sake of it! Here you go, a characteristic of an infatuation.

People who are in love work for common goals. They share dreams, values and cooperate. Infatuations on the other hand, they rely on superficial things. They are founded on an obscured view of romance. A crush usually involves being in the same age, curious, loneliness, physical looks, or other qualities that serve as a basis for your passion. In most occassions, you might just ignore the faults we see in others, and our minds just amplify those seemingly good qualities. And if you examine yourself deeply, you will find that your feelings are working only for your own interest rather than for other person.

Infatuation is grounded by Fantasy whereas Love is grounded by Reality

Sigh~ I guess I have to be more patient and self aware. I need to make sure that my feelings aren't superficial but based on true love.

  

I hope you think of me

She wound the thread around the pieces of, my broken heart
Had left me to believe
That girls don't wanna, girls don't wanna leave

The starry nights without a fear of heights
I can't recall, but I learned after all
That girls don't wanna, girls don't wanna fall

As you doze off tonight, I'll toss and turn
As your sweet dreams dissolve, I'll crash and burn
While your heart flutters free, I still can't breathe
As you stir in your sleep, I hope you think of me

A blissful way she whispered in my ear
Before she left, had me so convinced
That girls don't wanna, girls don't wanna leave

And Juliet's romantic balcony
Wears out the wall, and I learned after all
That girls don't wanna, girls don't wanna fall

As you doze off tonight, I'll toss and turn
As your sweet dreams dissolve, I'll crash and burn
While your heart flutters free, I still can't breathe
As you stir in your sleep, I hope you think of me

I feel alone
I hope my ghost, never leaves
'Cause when I'm home
Your painful memory, is always haunting me

As you doze off tonight, I'll toss and turn
As your sweet dreams dissolve, I'll crash and burn
While your heart flutters free, I still can't breathe
As you stir in your sleep, the thought is killing to me

When I see you around, my eyes get wide
When you race through my mind, I die inside
While your heart flutters free, I still can't breathe
As you stir in your sleep, I hope you think of me

I hope you think of me, I hope you think of me

lyrics from "I Hope You Think of Me" by Owl City

I hate architecture

There, I said it. 

Expressing myself...

I made this fan art not because I have lots of free time, but for self expression. Spidey has always been my favourite superhero to draw. His optimistic personality always intrigued me. Why not? He lost his parents , his uncle, faced rejection and always seem to encounter hardships wherever he turn, regardless as Peter Parker or Spider-man. DESPITE all that, he keeps moving forward. Constantly reminding himself there will always be a better tomorrow.

The Serpent and the Dove

Hello! Hello! It's 49 minutes before the sunrise and I can't wait to complete my assignment! There is so much I need to accomplish for the next two weeks. Hmm... let's start with some food for thought: Jesus said be cunning as serpents and innocent as doves, as he is sending us as sheep among wolves (Matt 10.16).

Wait! Did he just said to be LIKE the Serpents and Doves... in the same sentence??? Don't those two animals symbolise two opposing moral stances? Interesting.

Well, here's what I can say in a short time: The two respective qualities of the serpent and the dove complement each other. You can be cunning and wise but not living righteous in God's sight; You can be "innocent" and get trampled on by others.

According to G. K. Chesterton, a man can't congratulate himself as innocent in avoiding a wild party life, if he lives on a deserted island. In other words, innocence involve choice. When we are placed in a world filled with wolves, we are expected to be wise in our actions yet CHOOSE to remain righteous in the midst of the chaos.

This thought relates to what I've learnt during FOCUS team. We have to be smart in how we present the Gospel, yet do so innocently. Dear Lord, I need help. I can be so caught up with my pride till I forgot how to truly love someone. Let's start our day with the words of the Teacher.

The two respective qualities of the serpent and the dove complement each other.

Original song composition

This song is currently titled as "Time". Heavily influenced by Adam Young. This is quite an achievement because I never got around uploading or even record an original song. I usually put it off until I forgot how it sounds like, and regret for doing so.

Why "Time"? Well, I chose that title because I felt that in life, we have so much to do and yet we find we don't have enough time. Besides, we usually get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life to the point we just flat out ignore those things that matter. Hence, this song expresses that sentiment.

I recorded the song using my YAMAHA PSR E423.

That thing that stole my sleep for days!!!

This 'thing' is called the Villa Mairea. A house designed by a famous architect: Alvar Aalto. The design of the house expresses the idea that the 'forest is within the house'. Ah~ well, look it up and you'll see what I meant by that!

Look at how big it is!